Thursday, February 09, 2006

Start your own public sector

Theres me in my tree house.
I need a computer - outsource to company, they provide IT support through another skilled temp agency, who sits next to me
Now there two of us we need a facilities person to make sure the tree house it up to standard etc
I need a security guard to protect my computer
I now need someone to do my website, they can also be the fire officer
Tree house is getting crowded
I need a human resources person to look after my growing staff needs
They all need feeding, need catering manager, and a chef, and someone to work the cash register
I now need a cleaner
So many staff I now need someone to manager them as its taking too much time
They need a support officer
Now we're getting bigger I need a logo and someone to manage my brand, so a design person can join in
The tree house is now too crowded so I need to rent somewhere else, I'll move my IT department and the person who does the phones and internet connection into the shed
I now need a post team to manage the correspondence between my head office and the shed
And someone to manage the finance cost of the postage and travel between the offices
They need support
And I need another HR person to sort out the pensions and wages
An a union rep to stop me sacking them all

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Death Slide of Val D'esere

Friday, November 25, 2005

infinite cats

Prints from Hot Bed Press

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

across the road in levenshulme

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Lego Bison Boy

Friday, September 30, 2005

Well at least I now know what is behind that locked door in my flat...

There's a locked door in my flat, I don't have the key.

This is what happened, last night in bullet points

  1. Woken up a 1:45am by 2 large bangs 1 after the other
  2. Think it was outside, Manchester, roll over go back to sleep
  3. A very loud bang definitely in the flat
  4. Think "being broken into", sh1t self
  5. Push bed in front of bedroom door and ring 999
  6. I wish I had a tape of this bit, another bang and light from around the door, emergency services operator hears it.
    me: (whispering in case murderers in flat hear me) "fu*/@k, did you hear that?"
    him: "yes, sending someone right now"
  7. 5 mins of sitting in the dark hiding behind bed
  8. Police turn up, go into flat, no masked killers, terrorists, nothing broken, feel stupid
  9. Policeman listening at the locked door hears strange fizzing noises
  10. They ring "Trumpton" "they gonna be pissed off at you mate" he says smiling (they really called the fire brigade Trumpton)
  11. Now 2:30 am
  12. Fire engine turns up all lights etc
  13. 7 firemen and man in a white helmet that they all called "pump" all trying to get in the flat at once
  14. Policemen loving it
  15. Firemen decide the best thing would be to bust the locked door open
  16. They bust the door open.
    Its now 2:45 am and I think I may have dreamt the bangs
  17. Luckily, behind the locked door is the old house mains supply that should have been disconnected when they converted to flats and has got wet from the rain and is arcing a lot...It wasn’t just me then
  18. The fire men call the electric men
  19. 3 policemen, 7 firemen and "pump" and 2 electric engineers, not large flat, very funny
  20. It explodes again and finally shorts itself, but is still connected to the mains so the electric people dig a hole in the garden and cut it off.
  21. Police and firemen leave
  22. After digging the hole and finding the live electric cable the first thing the "engineer" does is get his biggest hammer and hits it very hard?
  23. I go inside and find a book to read thinking line from Brazil: "They've gone back to metric without telling us, again!"
  24. 6 am they cut off the power, flat does not go dark, leave big hole in garden
  25. Landlord has lots of messages on answer machine "the flat has exploded", "firemen are knocking down the door" etc
  26. Quick sleep
  27. Cycle to work

That is all

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Classic film scene magna doodle 003